Broken People
by Dawn96
Summary: "Was this what war created? Lily questioned. Broken people?" The rift between Sirius and Regulus was just as wide as her's and Petunia's. Perhaps that's why she found herself talking to Regulus Black, a week before their graduation.


**AN: I have been parted for so long from Harry Potter fanfics... and I miss it terribly D': **

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**Broken People  
**

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Of all her years in Hogwarts, she had spoken with Regulus Black twice.

She had been patrolling. James was off for the evening and the empty hallways resounded with her lone footsteps. The full moon shone through the high windows casting an eerie glow on the old stones and gleaming iron frames. A few portraits shuffled and the usual hisses, ticks and creaks could be heard from time to time… but apart from that, it was desolate.

Just her between the blue tainted night.

She heard voices.

If only they- whoever they were- bothered to whisper instead of having their voices roll out through the hallways for everyone to hear. They were getting louder and louder, yet Lily knew it had nothing to do with how quickly she was heading.

"-I'm telling you, when I'm free, I'll let you know. But right now, I've got quite the busy schedule so…"

Her first instinct screamed Sirius. The voice matched him perfectly. That was… until another participant in the not-so-quiet-yet-quite-secret conversation spoke up.

"You've been avoiding this for _months,_ Black. You've already got everyone on doubts with the tainting your family's got-"

"Not a word about my family, Mulciber, or I'll have a good hex like I did to your dog, Avery."

"Instead of cursing every idiot that utters your holier-than-thou family's name, _join_ and show them where you priorities stand."

"I can take care of my priorities on my own, thanks. It's late, and I'm busy- I won't be joining the next meeting on-"

Whatever Regulus Black was going to divulge about whatever meeting would be held, Lily stepped into view. Mulciber stood, as large and built as he always was, and sneered almost immediately. Behind him stood a sickly smirking Dolohov and a lumbering Rowle while Regulus Black perfectly imitated a deer caught in headlights.

"Out after curfew, at midnight no less?" her voice was smooth, yet she thanked Merlin it didn't reverberate like her heart did in her chest. She knew what type of people they were and knew it was probably an idiotic idea to step out completely alone. What was done was done, and she wasn't going to give them any satisfaction. "I think it'll be five points from Slytherin each and a good report to Professor Slughorn. Off to your dorms."

Mulciber's sneer curled into a sick smile, his wand sparking by his side.

"Fucking little Mudblo-"

"She's absolutely right!"

Her head snapped to where Regulus was charmingly smiling, his arms spread out to emphasize the grandness of her idea.

"Past midnight already?" he made an exaggeration of tapping on hisglimmering gold watch, "you lads always keep me entertained for a chat but alas, I've got Quidditch practice tomorrow at dawn- you know how Rabastan gets when it comes to Quidditch- and that snitch isn't going to catch itself. Plus, a face this handsome needs it's beauty sleep, doesn't it? Wish you all the best! Goodnight-"

With every word he took a step towards her and a step farther from them, looking far too amused as he watched the dirty looks they seemed to cast him for either taking away a good chance for Dark Art practice or for purposely exaggerating their idiocy in front of them. The moment he was within her quiet earshot, he sent her a quick whisper of 'walk in front of me' to which she pointedly looked back at.

"Just do it," from the corner of his mouth as he gave a quick, teasing wave back at the lurking Slytherins.

She complied, befuddled.

They passed a few locked classrooms, staircases and the transfiguration courtyard before she realized she was heading to the common room. Did he leave…? She ventured a quick peak behind her to find him walking quite close, a playful smile on his lips.

"I was wondering when you'd stop and turn," he grinned. "There I thought you'd start leading me straight through your portrait hole."

"In your dreams, Black."

Snappy. Out of her mouth before she even had to the chance to think.

"Oh, I have other dreams dominating," his grin turned into a smirk. "Trust me."

The way he flicked the hair from his eyes by the mere turn of his head, his stance and the striking features of his face reminded her painfully of Sirius. It was almost like looking into a slightly distorted mirror, for Regulus' frame with thinner and his hair was wilder and instead of smelling like a crossing between a wet dog and strong, sweet-smelling cologne, he smelt like cigarettes and peppermint.

And there was something… wrong… with him.

This glimmer of… _something_ that wasn't quite right with him. Something… scattered and unable to collect itself.

"I know I'm a beauty to behold," his voice remarked.

"Awfully modest, aren't you?" she tucked back the wand she didn't know she had pulled. "Well then, back to your dormitory. I've caught you wandering once and the next time you'll be roaming about, it'll be a detention."

"Not even a thank you," he feigned hurt- though his actions were too angular, quite stiff and not quite _right_- patting his chest, "not setting a good example, now are we?"

"Masochistic tendencies then, Black? Love getting punishments handed out to you?" she cocked a brow. Only when the words left her mouth did she curse herself for it. James was _really_ having a heavy influence on her 'think before you speak' motto. If Regulus had any decency, he would pass the comment off and spare her an awkward situation with a hormonal sixteen year old boy who had who-knew-what fantasies at this age.

"Actually, I'm quite a attracted to dainty, delicate innuendos really- not any of those bondage-"

"That's not what I meant!" she could feel the heat radiating off her. "Back to your dorms, Black."

"Oh, come now, Evans!" he smiled- yet there was that twitch at it's corner and the glimmer in his eye that was not quite _right_- gesturing once more. "Thank me or how else will I ask you for a favour."

"Thank you for what exactly?"

"Saving your arse from whatever Mulciber had up his sleeve," he looked quite proud. "For Head Girl you sure are dim," he mused, "wandering about Hogwarts at _this_ time and stepping straight into _that_ crowd without backup."

"Spectacular how you know how _undesirable_ that crowd is, yet you easily associate yourself with them."

"Oh, I don't associate," he strutted ahead of her, "I linger."

She kept her gaze on him. This boy who looked exactly like Sirius yet was _nothing_ like him at all. It was almost like staring into an unhinged version of the Gryffindor Black… an insane, at the edge, unstable version who had something _wrong_ in him and glinted with something not quite _right. _She traced a quick look at the windows, darkened and gloomed, and the blue tinted halls and wondered… was this what war created? Broken people?

"Thank you…" she muttered, his eyebrows rose, "but I could've taken care of it myself."

"Of course you could've," he nodded sagely. "Just like dame McDonald did the other day. Beautiful shield charm she cast, by the way. Quite sad it didn't actually _work_ against things like 'bad magic' as Sirius likes to classify."

"That's sick," she said, "talking about it so lightly when it was absolutely _disgusting_ what they did to her-"

"If you treat every little scratch like a splinch you're going to have a real hard time out of these walls, Evans," he smirked, unabashed by the sourness in her voice. "What Avery did last time was child's play," he shrugged nonchalantly. "You'll see worse. Plus, McDonald lived!" he threw his head back in a quick laugh. It was bark-like and loud… yet desolate and eerie. "She won't space out when her back is turned anymore, trust me."

She wasn't getting anywhere with him… yet why did she need to get anywhere with him in the first place? He was twisting words with his cheeky smirk and glinting grey eyes, averting whatever it is he wanted to avert from her.

"So, Evans," he walked back to her, "since I valiantly helped you out-"

"Hardly," she commented dryly.

"-do me a favour and throw in a nice word about me to McKinnon," he winked. "Heard you're quite close, right?"

"So this is what _that_ was all about?" she said disbelivingly. "All of that winding and- and walking and laughing… just so you can get into Marlene's good books?"

"Give me more credit, Evans," he said pompously, crossing his arms over his chest, "please. You were the perfect escape from those tossers- Merlin, they've been bothering me all week- have a nice roam about the castle, freak you out a bit _and_ get a recommendation to McKinnon who can't speak straight to me without turning blue… some patriotic Ravenclaw, isn't she?"

"Well… Marlene does get a bit carried away with emotions and all," Lily mused. Especially when it was something she obsessed over and secretly liked, no matter how dense the boy was. "No- I mean-"

"I actually like the colour blue on her face, now that I think about it… should I curse it so it can stay that way?"

"Definitely not!" she hissed. "I don't know about you Slytherins, but cursing a girl isn't a way to show your affection!"

"Well then, there goes Evan's suggestion of writing 'Property of RAB' on her forehead."

Lily gawked at him.

"Yeah… Evan's a bit disturbed, don't mind him," however the casualty of which he said it with contrasted completely with the unhinged look he seemed to give. He gave her a dashing smile and an exaggerated bow with a quiet 'goodnight' before he swaggered down the hallway once more- his steps uneven, his shoulders tense and his fingers tapping manically by his side- leaving Lily quite stunned about something she didn't even understand.

* * *

The next time she had spoken to him was a week before her gradation. She had been in the Great Hall for dinner, sitting by Peter while Remus laughed, James smiled yet Sirius troubled himself with the morning's crossword that he didn't get the chance to fill. However, Lily knew it was an excuse. So did James. And Remus. Perhaps even Peter- though she wouldn't give him too much credit… It was a good excuse for Sirius to look troubled because of the crossword while he was actually troubled about something entirely different but, they wouldn't be able to ask it out of him as he'd simple answer with 'it's just the crossword.' Quite smart, thought Lily, if she _didn't_ exactly know what was bothering him.

But she _did_.

When they stood up to leave, Lily said she'd stay by Alice for a bit- who was pouring over her letter to Frank while Marlene pretty much held a one-sided conversation with herself- only to pull her bag up and walk straight to the Slytherin table.

The last time she had done that she was a fifth year and Severus had been her best friend.

Now… she was a seventh year, and Severus was far too out of her reach.

She came into _their_ view. Rosier's electrical blue eyes- far too insane, far too damaged- caught her.

"Mudblood's coming."

"Which one? The place is reeking with them in case you haven't…" the sentence died on Regulus' lips as he turned around, meeting her gaze. "Oh. You." His expression was quite blank for a minute before an uneasy, forced smile came on his lips, "what do you want?"

"I have a name, Rosier," she said coldly, glaring at the blonde, "I'd appreciate if you use it."

"I don't bother with names if there's something called _class_."

Her brows rose, "Oh, so I'll return the favour and call you 'idiot' then."

Rosier laughed, Crouch snorted and Wilkes cracked a smile.

"I need to speak to you," she looked directly at the dark-haired sixth year, whose grin immediately fell. He looked reprimanding almost- as if telling her 'you-don't-say-_that_-here'- and Lily could immediately see why. Suspicion and scorn was on the faces of the other sixth years who had been casually lounging and if she listened closely, she could almost hear a chorus of whispers.

He shot a warning look at his friends before swinging his long legs over the bench and stiffly beckoned her out of the hall. The moment they passed the large doors, he spun her to one of the columns.

"Next time you want to speak to me, don't do it so publicly," he said, "I've got a reputation, you see. Don't want all my duels in the common room to go to waste, yeah?"

"There won't be a next time," she snapped.

"Why're you snapping at me?" he rolled his eyes, "it's not like I beckoned you in front of a house of snakes and whisperers that are definitely going to spread endless rumors and need a whole lot of political debates and twisted words to shut them up. You've taken away at least three months of my hard work in those three minutes alone."

"Look Black, as interesting as this really is, I just want to have a quick word about something important."

Straight-forward and a matter-of-factly.

"If this is about Sirius then let me tell you that he can throw himself off the Astronomy tower and I wouldn't care."

And he seemed to return the favour, his small smile playing on his bitten lips. Lily felt a small sigh escape her own lips, hearing this far too familiar mantra against her ears. Sometimes, she thought that Petunia could cease to exist for all she cared, yet she knew that whenever she resorted to that line… she was hurting on the inside. Maybe it was from a word her sister had said, an action her sister had taken or the fact that her sister openly disliked her in a way that wasn't too different from what Sirius was doing with Regulus.

"I have a sister too. We're… quite estranged at this point, but I know that no matter what… she'll always be my sister and there are times where I'll have to be there for her whether I like it or not."

His expression did not give anything away. He merely nodded, looking quite bored as if he had heard this a dozen times, and averted his eyes.

"Is that it?"

"Sirius is graduating in a week."

"I know."

"This maybe the last time you ever see him."

She'd thought he'd say something cheeky such as 'thank Merlin for that' or 'good riddance' but it never came. Instead, he nodded once more. Had he been thinking about this? Was that why he was so unperturbed and so unsurprised by one of the touchiest subjects in the history of Hogwarts?

"I think he'd like it if his brother showed _something_ on one of the most important day of his life."

"Look, Evans," Regulus' voice didn't have that strained, manic edge to it. It sounded weary and tired. "I know you're trying to be a good mate and all… but me just 'showing up' or 'congratulating him' or whatever won't change anything. It's not as simple as 'we don't get along'-"

"I think he'd appreciate it if his _family_ showed up."

"Sirius _disowned_ his family before they disowned him. As far as he's concerned, I'm not his family."

"No," Lily said strongly. "Sirius disowned his family's _ideals_."

"And I uphold my family's ideals," the smile on Regulus' face was patronizing, and Lily wanted nothing more but to wipe it off, "therefore we're different which, to Sirius, needs prejudice."

Lily didn't know how to argue with that. It seemed, though years passed bitter between them, Regulus still knew his brother. To Sirius, there would always be the good and the bad… the middle grey ground was something he despised and tried to fit into either extreme, no matter what it took. After a life of conflicting ideals in a house of complexity, chaos and painful memories, perhaps he wanted to simplify the world around him- simplify it from the manic confusion of his childhood.

Yet Regulus, standing there with his unhinged glory, a dangerous glint in his grey eyes and his handsome face tainted with worries no sixteen year old should ever bear. Complexity fiddled with his mind, probably cost him his sanity… yet it left him far too slippery and far too observant.

"Then be the better person and put aside those prejudices even for a second."

Regulus laughed- barking that echoed ominously across the dark, empty halls- his expression bitter, his eyes hard.

"Oh please, I'm not six and you're not telling me to say 'sorry' because I stole Sirius' toy broom," he hissed. "I'm not going to be _pushed around again_ because of Sirius. I'm not going to be the _spare_ who _always_ has to be the first one to step aside so _he_ can feel better. I-"

Lily stared. He clamped his mouth shut, staring at her as if she had slapped him, and turned away, stalking down the hallway, his cloak billowing furiously behind him. She snapped out of her reverie and followed, gripping him by the arm, ready to beg him to reconsider because she couldn't _stand_ how miserable Sirius was looking. She couldn't stand the dead, lifelessness in his eyes whenever people brought up life after Hogwarts. She couldn't stand how much this was hurting the closest person to the person she loved…

He looked affronted and Lily thought she'd overstepped her boundaries with him. Knowing the infamous Black temper and her own red-headed temper, her 'secret', below-the-radar mission would be public property before she could even say Quidditch.

"_Drop it, Evans. Drop it!"_

"I gave a good word to Marlene- I saw her with you in the library last Sunday- so at least return the favour."

Regulus blinked at her, his furious scowl and hard eyes paused for a second before it was replaced by a scornful smirk.

"Quick learner, Evans. If your parents weren't muggles I'd recommend you to Slytherin any day. But," he cut her off before she could sourly retort, "how aren't you sure it wasn't my natural charm that caught her off her feet?"

"Don't change the subject!" Lily snapped. "Sirius may have a skin of steel, but it would hurt him if his own-"

"Again with the hurt," snorted Regulus. "You think he's known hurt? Let him try being the second son, then we'll see how he feels."

Lily swallowed her throat dry yet Regulus' temper had already quelled to cool indifference as he crossed his arms and leaned back, his grey eyes like stones.

"You won't undertand," he muttered.

"Because I'm a mudblood?" she said pointedly.

His smirk was back and his laughter hitched in his throat, high and scattered that it ran up and down her spine ruthlessly.

"Thanks for understanding."

They stayed silent and Lily realized she hadn't let go of his arm. She looked up, his face young yet burdened, his shoulders tensed and hunched, his frame thin and slight, his shirt careless and his hair tousled… and she felt something incredibly _motherly_ hit her. She wanted nothing more but to cradle him like the little boy he was because he was sixteen and he was still a child.

Quite like herself.

What difference did seventeen make to sixteen? A mere year. A mere 365 days. Yet she felt so old. She realized, as she looked at his young, disturbed face, how truly _sick_ this war was. A war where children were meant to play soldiers as powers clashed and greed lapsed. A war where children were no longer allowed a childhood and children were meant to feel the years fill into their days. A war where children were meant to die while mongrels hungered on for further massacre without thought.

"Black… Regulus."

His name was weird on her tongue. His eyes flickered.

"I've tried all I could," she sighed, "but… promise me you'll think about it. You may have had- and still have- your differences… but there must be something that could push you to be there for him on the day he's let out of Hogwarts." She licked her lips tentatively. "The day he's going to be out _there_."

There were so many _theres_ and _thats_ and _this'_ and secretive _hes _and _shes_ and _thems_. So many things meant to be shadowed and so many things meant to be darkened. Regulus Black had given her a sighing nod, his lips pursed, and walked past her back into the Great Hall while she stood, waiting.

* * *

She didn't see him amongst the crowd and Sirius seemed to have noticed it as well as he skimmed his eyes across the Great Hall, filled with proud cheering parents and beaming teachers. He did give a quick wave to a dark-haired woman and her pink-haired daughter- some cousin of his that ran away as well, was it?- yet he shrugged off the slight dejection that Lily caught. She saw James give him a quick pat and Remus whisper something that bubbled laughter between his lips.

It had been a complete utter waste.

Or so she had thought.

"Congratulations."

She heard _that_ voice say once the ceremony was over and they were all crowded by the entrance for their final graduating photo. She turned, finding them facing each other after who knows how many months. Sirius with slight suspicion and Regulus with set determination, his hand set out in front of him.

A small smile broke through Sirius' face, slightly saddened yet more relieved, before he took his brother's hand and nodded.

"Thanks."

It was slightly awkward, the mismatched, one-armed hug they tried to give each other. Probably from Sirius' cap that got into his brother's face and Regulus' stiffness from close contact… but it happened, leaving lighter smiles and easier shoulders on both boys.

She looked up at the skies, clear and clean, and heard the laughter and felt the smiles in the air around her. Though the land beyond was dark and the airs outside were heavy and tainted… there was always _that _moment, far from war and far from hurt, where _things_ didn't have to matter and burdens _could_ be forgotten.

A time she had to treasure in a world that was rapidly falling into an abyss of chaos.

A time she couldn't bear to waste.


End file.
